An Alphabet Menagerie

A, was an Amiable Ape,
Who lived on an African cape.
He climbed up the trees
On his elbows and knees –
And came down by the fire escape.

C, was a Comical Cat
Who tried to make love to a rat.
She sang him a song
Both loving and long,
But he said "You can't fool me like that!"

E, was an Eminent Elephant
Who invented a thing called a Telephant
When they asked: "What's it for?"
He replied: "Such a bore
To be pestered with questions irrelevant!"

G, was a Greedy old Goat
Who ate up his master's best coat
He stood by with a leer
While they searched far and near
And remarked: "They seem rather afloat!"

I, was an Idle Ichneumon[2]
Who wanted to learn to play Schumann[3],
But he found to his pains,
It took talent and brains;
And neither possessed this Ichneumon.

K, was a Keen Kangaroo,
Who painted his children sky-blue.
When his wife said: "My dear,
Don't you think they look queer?"
He replied "I'm not sure but they do"

M, was a Merry young Mink[4],
Who went in to skate at a rink.
But he said that the ice
Was too hard to be nice,
And too smooth to allow him to think

O, was an Obese Old Ox
Who wanted to learn how to box
A teacher he hired
Who nearly expired
At the first of his terrible knocks!

Q, was a Quarrelsome Quagga[6]
Who made a great bluster and swagger
But what was quite queer
When danger was near
No trace could be found of the bragger.

S, was a Senseless old Sheep
Who spent all his time half asleep.
He was thinking, he said,
When he nodded his head,
But his friends thought that tale rather steep

U's a Unique Unicorn
Who tried to peek over his horn
He said he saw more
Than he e'er did before
But it made him feel rather folorn.

W's a Wan little Weasel,
Who spent all his days at his easel.
His friends came to see
What they thought was a tree.
But he called it a "Study of Teasel[8]"

B, was a Bustling old Bear,
Who thought he must have change of air;
So he went with a show,
Though it filled him with woe
To see people so rude as to stare.

D, was a Dainty old Dog,
Who every day drank an egg nog.
He took it he said,
To steady his head,
In case there should come up a fog!

F, was a Frivolous Fawn
Who gave a soireé[1] on the lawn
He played on the flute
And sang to a lute
But the guests would do nothing but yawn

H, was a Hopeful young Horse
Who was brought up on love without force
He had his own way
And they sugared his hay;
So he never was naughty of course!

J, was a Jaunty Jaguar,
Who once took a ride in a car;
But when asked for his fare,
Gave a growl and a stare,
And remarked: That is going too far!

L, was a Lively old Lion,
Whose conduct no man could rely on.
For he'd smile and look sweet
At the people he'd meet,
And be thinking which one he should fly on!

N, was a Naïve Nylghau[5]
Who would take his tea through a straw
When his Aunt said "I think
'Twould be better to drink"
He replied "You had better withdraw!"

P, was a Prosy old Pig,
Who complained that his brain was too big.
He felt it, he said,
Inside of his head –
Which was certainly strange, for a pig!

R, was a Rowdy young Rabbit
Who had a most terrible habit!
When he saw any food
Which appeared to him good
He would rise from his chair, and just grab it.

T, was a Terrible Tiger,
Whose name was Abdullah Meshigah.
For lunch he would eat
Forty two kinds of meat
And his postal address was "The Niger."[7]

V, was a Verdant old Viper
Who let himself out as a piper
But so badly he played
That the dancers all said
They would wait til his talents were riper

X, Y, and Z, were three creatures
With all sorts of fabulous features.
They had talons, and claws,
And fiery jaws.
But their names haven't happened to reach us!